Now I know that I am the eternal optimist, but sometimes I just need to get all the anger off of my chest in order to continue being the happy-go-lucky chick that I am.
I have had the most hellatious year of teaching imaginable. I adored my children, but outside of that, it's been a nightmare. I opted out of saying anything on my blog because my students frequent the site, and because I didn't want anyone having one more thing to tattletale about. I've kept it cool, and I have made some ambiguous comments, and played nice...now I'm about to unleash the dragon!
I've mentioned this before, but for clarity's sake, I'm going to mention it again. I had a CTT classroom this year. What that means is that there is a general education teacher, and a special education co-teacher. Ideally, a CTT classrooms exists in a way where both teachers administer lessons equally therefore being seen as equals. Ideally, CTT teachers choose to work with one another. They usually choose one another based on their mutual teaching styles, and strengths, and their abilities to work well with one another. Basically, they should admire, and respect one another before they get into the classroom. This is not the way CTT was given to me.
I was told at the end of the last school year that I would be co-teaching with one of my favorite teachers. Everyone was nervous for me though because he sometimes has a temper, and can get emotional about things. I thought it would be perfect though because of my laid back attitude, and the fact that we are both strict disciplinarians. He decided during last summer that he wanted to teach his own class though as opposed to being the special ed component in someone else's classroom as he had the previous two years. I was a bit upset, but not necessarily with him. I wanted him to do his thing, but that then meant that I would have to work with someone I didn't know.
I was asked at the end of the summer to come in to meet my new co-teacher. She seemed nice enough. She had no prior teaching experience, and had worked in corporate America for the last 23 years, and had recently completed the Teaching Fellows program, but I looked at it optimistically. She came prepared with a packet for me that explained the CTT process which I thought was nice of her since my administration had given me no prior training. She showed me the 6 different models of CTT teaching, but said we should only focus on the one where we teach equally. I thought she was a bit bossy, and saw a potential know-it-all, but I agreed to be open to the idea.
Just the process of preparing for the children to come became difficult for me. I had been teaching by myself for the last 8 years. I have had an EIP class full of special ed students; I had taught every grade from kindergarten, to second, to fourth, to fifth; I had taught children whom were extremely gifted, and children whom struggled with writing their names; I had taught children from good wholesome families, and children of alcohol addicts. I have done all of this alone. I have run a classroom from beginning to end by myself. So admittedly, it was hard for me to relinquish some of my own ways of starting off the year. But I wanted her to feel included in the process, so I collaborated with her on everything. For instance: I don't post rules in my classroom. I feel that by a certain point you should recognize what is right and wrong. I am not posting anything that tells you not to hit someone because you should already know that, but she wanted the class to come up with rules. So I agreed to that. She also reorganized my whole room to the point that I didn't know where any of my stuff was. On that day, I cried. I just knew that her Type A personality wasn't going to mesh well with my free Spirit.
What happened once the kids came is that they totally did not respect her. We could not get through lessons because they wouldn't listen to her. This was especially daunting for me because I'm used to running a very tight ship. I spoke with my principal, and she came in and observed, and she told the other teacher the things that were wrong. She told her that I was doing more work, therefore making the children believe I was more of their teacher. She told her I sat at a teacher's desk, while she sat at a student's desk therefore looking like she was on their level. She told her basically that she couldn't expect them to see her as my equal if she didn't show them she was. But at that point, I realized it wasn't going to work, and told my principal I might have to leave because it was too stressful. Eventually, she moved her to another classroom, and gave me a substitute in the meantime.
So from October to January, I had a substitute in my room every day. I loved her though, basically because she sat back, and let me do my thing. She was also firm like me, and although the students didn't listen to her as much, they respected her more than the previous teacher. I could have kept her all year long. She did whatever I asked of her, and she offered to help in any way possible because she saw my systems and appreciated them.
When we got a new principal in January, one of her first changes was to put a permanent teacher in my room. I had gotten used to my substitute and liked her, but I knew that I had to have a fully certified teacher in there to really give my struggling students what they needed.
So they interviewed someone else. I'm not going to hold back on this one, so if there is anyone reading this whom might get offended by what I am about to say, stop reading. When they asked me to sit in on the interview process, I got the opportunity to read her resume. I may be a snob on this one, but it was so poorly put together. If I had trusted my first instincts, I would have said no to this one, but I felt obligated to accept who my principal gave me because I felt like she was being generous, and we were already in a bind in terms of not having that many people to choose from. They wouldn't let me sit in on her sample lesson because they knew my kids would behave if I were in the room, and they wanted to see how she would handle them in their "natural" state. I didn't get the opportunity to fully see how she did, but they said she was decent, and asked what I thought. Again, I felt obligated to let her slide.
Big mistake.
In the beginning I tried to be fully optimistic. But I quickly saw how it was not going to work. Again, the kids didn't respect her. It was partly because she was brand new in the middle of the year, she was brand new to teaching, and she just didn't have control over them. She also tried too hard. Instead of allowing me to teach my lessons, she felt like she had to inject herself into everything I did. Sometimes she just got blank stares from some of the kids. Some kids were sweet and gave her a chance. Then she wanted to always pick them up from other classes, or take them to the bathroom, and it became clear very early on that my children were totally taking advantage of the situation. My silent children in the hallway became full out monsters. My children whom could be tamed with a simple glance became ignorant even to the sound of yelling. She also seemed to want to be their friend. Now my children, and I have fun, but they are very clear that we are not peers. You are not my friend. We will not be sitting on the phone shooting the breeze. You are not my equal. She didn't make that clear to the students. And at some point, the kids stopped being honest with her because of it. As one student told me, she was "too nosy, and she always wants to be in our business." I told them they needed to respect the fact that she was their teacher, and not their friend. He told me, "but she tries to act like it!"
This made me incredibly bitter because I got so frustrated with my students' immediate change. My best friend at work told me to just be nice and give her a chance. So I did, and then she started annoying me. Like I said, Type A individuals and me don't fully mix. When you come up to me asking me over, and over again for stuff to put on the homework sheet, and I have been doing this without you all year long, I just get sick. So I just went numb. And that's when the shit hit the fan. She decided to take it upon herself to have a conversation with me because I had told her when she first came that I can be moody, and when I get that way, just tell me. But I never told her she could tell me I was "acting like a bitch." I don't know about you, but I don't understand where calling me out of my name is part of professional protocol. So after that, I told myself that to keep the peace, we should never be in a room alone together. I didn't want her to have the opportunity to call me out of my name again, and I believed she probably wouldn't try that again with another person present.
Well the CTT coordinator for our school came to observe us, and met with us afterward to discuss the lesson. I was teaching the math lesson, and it was a lesson I had to revisit because my co-teacher had taught the lesson previously and was told that the students had been left totally confused {oh did I mention that it was suggested to her that she complete the students' work the night before they did because they would ask her for help, and she couldn't???} While the coordinator met with us, she said she noticed there was no interaction between the two of us. I hadn't tattled on the woman about what she had said to me, although she felt the need to tell my administrators everything I did in an attempt to get me in trouble {which she never did}. But at this point, since we were having open dialog about the obvious tension in the room, I mentioned it, and was immediately shocked when my co-teacher blurted out that I was lying, and began to cry. She then told the coordinator that she was quitting, and pointed at me and said, "...and it's all because of her!" I don't do all that drama. It was obvious then that it wasn't going to work.
So for the last few months, I've just been trying to coexist with her, without communicating outside of emails. I made sure that I sent the email to at least one other person so that she couldn't make up stories about what I wrote. Now I know that may seem extreme, but I can't help but think she's a bit crazy. Even certain students started to pick up on it, and when they would comment, I always told them they had to respect their elders no matter what. Then yesterday, after our last day at school, two coworkers confided in me that they invited her to sit with them at lunch one day, and they said she was very whiney, and all she did was complain. So apparently, a few people have seen that she is no fun to be around.
All I can say is that I am glad it is finally over. I haven't enjoyed my experience with teaching with someone else. I'm a total loner, and I'm an only child, and since my Assistant Principal is going around telling coworkers I need to work by myself {I know, how professional of her} then I'm going to assume that the administration recognized that. So next year I'm teaching fourth grade with one of my favorite people in the school, and it just so happens we're both loners, so he will do what he wants in his room, and I will do what I want in mine. That's how it should be.
Anyhow, thanks for letting me vent. If you got down this far, you truly have nothing better to do, or you've become interested in my daily life. Whatever the case, thanks for being a listening ear. I figure that if I'm truly going to chronicle my life, I have to share the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I'm sure someone could try and use this post against me somehow, but I believe in freedom of speech, and I also believe there are three sides to every story: my side, their side, and the truth. I've said my piece. I stand by it.
